ALL THE THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER EAT

Recently I've been seeing a lot of those lists of foods that you should never eat. They're everywhere, on my Facebook wall, in the ads on the side of my home page, at the top of every net site I visit, just everywhere. So I decided I'd give them a look.

First let me say, that I did not read any of the lists that require you to watch a 30 minute video first about how these foods will kill you, BUT if you send some where between 19.99 and 49.99, they will send you the password or a disc and actually tell you what these foods are. Not happening, folks. But if you get the right combination Googled, you can find them for free!

Some of these lists are 5 items, some are 10 or 12, found one that had 40. And I find most all them absolutely ridiculous and wonder what these list producers eat in real life.

Top of every list is bread. And some of them go so far as to suggest that all grains and flours will kill you. Eat bread and butter, fall over dead. Have a sandwich, dead before nightfall. Thicken a sauce with a flour based roux, instant poison.

Next on most lists is meat. Any kind of meat. Beef, pork, lamb, goat, venison, game. Total poison. Doesn't matter how it's cooked or seasoned. It's instant death.

Then comes milk and dairy. And they mean all of it. From cream and butter, to low fat, no fat, yogurt, cheeses, no matter it's form, no matter what kind of milk. Will do you in quicker than nerve gas.

Poultry and eggs. OMG! DO NOT EAT under any circumstances. Do you know what this does to your body? Do you know how cruel it is to the birds?? What if someone harvested your eggs, your unborn children???

And don't eat any fish either. It's bad for you. It contains chemicals that are contained in water! Swordfish, tuna and salmon get singled out, but all fish is included.

And within these lists, are lists of all the fruits and vegetables you should not eat: Strawberries, tomatoes, potatoes, lettuce, corn, and apples top the lists.

Sweeteners. And they list everything from sugar, honey, agave, maple syrup, corn syrup, molasses, and all the non-sugar chemical sweeteners.

Chocolate. Now personally, I think the list writers just want to horde this magic all for themselves.

Fats and oils. I really should have put this one higher on the list. Even first press extra virgin olive oil made the ranks.

Fast food. And slow food, even medium food. Some lists insist that all food be eaten raw, while others are content to tell you that your food should never be baked, fried, broiled, boiled, grilled, mashed, warmed, dried, moistened, juiced, chopped, chilled, frozen, thawed, or mixed with any other ingredients.

Here's my list of 10 things you should never, ever eat:
1. Gasoline and other petroleum products
2. Barbed wire
3. Bleach
4. Yellow snow
5. Easter eggs you find in August
6. Rubber bands
7. Rocks and gravel
8. Bird poop, well, any poop for that matter
9. Fertilizer
and number 10 is: KALE, I don't like it, neither should you!

The best list I found was one by a blogger mom that had things on it like: Anything from McDonald's, hot dogs and cupcakes. She left pizza off the list, so I'm guessing that's her go to dinner for the kids!

So, that's it for now, I'm going to dig an oily screwdriver out of my husband's tool box and go chip some frozen gravel out of the driveway for dinner. Think I'll serve it with a dryer lint salad, and freshly acquired hair balls off the dog. For desert we'll have some of that famous yellow snow...