ALL THE THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER EAT

Recently I've been seeing a lot of those lists of foods that you should never eat. They're everywhere, on my Facebook wall, in the ads on the side of my home page, at the top of every net site I visit, just everywhere. So I decided I'd give them a look.

First let me say, that I did not read any of the lists that require you to watch a 30 minute video first about how these foods will kill you, BUT if you send some where between 19.99 and 49.99, they will send you the password or a disc and actually tell you what these foods are. Not happening, folks. But if you get the right combination Googled, you can find them for free!

Some of these lists are 5 items, some are 10 or 12, found one that had 40. And I find most all them absolutely ridiculous and wonder what these list producers eat in real life.

Top of every list is bread. And some of them go so far as to suggest that all grains and flours will kill you. Eat bread and butter, fall over dead. Have a sandwich, dead before nightfall. Thicken a sauce with a flour based roux, instant poison.

Next on most lists is meat. Any kind of meat. Beef, pork, lamb, goat, venison, game. Total poison. Doesn't matter how it's cooked or seasoned. It's instant death.

Then comes milk and dairy. And they mean all of it. From cream and butter, to low fat, no fat, yogurt, cheeses, no matter it's form, no matter what kind of milk. Will do you in quicker than nerve gas.

Poultry and eggs. OMG! DO NOT EAT under any circumstances. Do you know what this does to your body? Do you know how cruel it is to the birds?? What if someone harvested your eggs, your unborn children???

And don't eat any fish either. It's bad for you. It contains chemicals that are contained in water! Swordfish, tuna and salmon get singled out, but all fish is included.

And within these lists, are lists of all the fruits and vegetables you should not eat: Strawberries, tomatoes, potatoes, lettuce, corn, and apples top the lists.

Sweeteners. And they list everything from sugar, honey, agave, maple syrup, corn syrup, molasses, and all the non-sugar chemical sweeteners.

Chocolate. Now personally, I think the list writers just want to horde this magic all for themselves.

Fats and oils. I really should have put this one higher on the list. Even first press extra virgin olive oil made the ranks.

Fast food. And slow food, even medium food. Some lists insist that all food be eaten raw, while others are content to tell you that your food should never be baked, fried, broiled, boiled, grilled, mashed, warmed, dried, moistened, juiced, chopped, chilled, frozen, thawed, or mixed with any other ingredients.

Here's my list of 10 things you should never, ever eat:
1. Gasoline and other petroleum products
2. Barbed wire
3. Bleach
4. Yellow snow
5. Easter eggs you find in August
6. Rubber bands
7. Rocks and gravel
8. Bird poop, well, any poop for that matter
9. Fertilizer
and number 10 is: KALE, I don't like it, neither should you!

The best list I found was one by a blogger mom that had things on it like: Anything from McDonald's, hot dogs and cupcakes. She left pizza off the list, so I'm guessing that's her go to dinner for the kids!

So, that's it for now, I'm going to dig an oily screwdriver out of my husband's tool box and go chip some frozen gravel out of the driveway for dinner. Think I'll serve it with a dryer lint salad, and freshly acquired hair balls off the dog. For desert we'll have some of that famous yellow snow...

A Rant About the Food Police

 

RANTING ABOUT THE FOOD POLICE

 

Let me start by saying that I follow several food and baking sites, blogs and Facebook pages that feature food. I enjoy seeing what you're making and how you're making it. I am inspired by what you all do, and I try doing a lot of it myself. I am fully aware that there are vegetarians, vegans, meat lovers, no gluten, no sugar, only organic, non-GMO, low salt, no salt, deep fried, only eat it raw people out there who all prepare amazing foods and meals.

 

I know that peanut allergies, lactose intolerance, diabetes and celiac disease are serious health issues, especially if you have them. I know that some of you will have moral issues with some of things I prepare. Well, here's the deal, you're not sitting at my table or in my kitchen, and even if you were, I wouldn't force you to eat it!

 

I prefer to cook with fresh ingredients, from scratch. I am not however, opposed to using pre-packaged prepared foods. Take this cake, it was made from a boxed cake mix, mainly because I don't have a good recipe for a small, moist white cake.

 

 

For this cake I used half of a boxed cake mix (they were on sale for something like 99 cents so I bought several). I mixed it up using the instructions on the box, halved of course, because I only used half the dry mix. I baked it a spring form pan. When it was cooled I sliced it in half so that I had two inch layers. I whipped up one cup of heavy cream, sweetened it with Splenda, I spread a healthy bunch of it on the bottom layer and dotted it with mandarin oranges out of a can. The top layer is frosted with a cream cheese frosting (like butter cream, but use cream cheese instead of butter, flavored it with orange flavor right out of a little bottle. Garnished it with more orange slices and whipped cream, and some little dots of raspberry sauce with is nothing more than some jelly that I warmed up in the microwave.

 

When I posted it, out came the food police, all over my case about not including nutritional information, One even demanded that before I post any more food pictures, I must post my food handler's certification so that people would know if I actually was trained to work with food.

 

They wanted to know if my eggs were from free range chickens, told me about all the health issues I was going to have from eating cake. Lighten up people, if you don't want to eat it, don't. But I like cake, and I will eat it!

 

So to address their concerns, I've designed my own warning labels. Please note that they contain offensive language, sarcasm, and inappropriate stereo types. It's my take on sarcastic humor.

 

 

We have to let people know we used animal products

 

and fruit

 

and we all know how dangerous eating can be

 

and allergy alerts

 

basic nutrition facts

 

and general health warnings

 

It was good stuff, enjoy!

 

Creamy Rice and Pasta with Chicken and Vegetables

CREAMY RICE AND PASTA WITH CHICKEN AND VEGETABLES

 

 

 

This one dish dinner is cooked in a single pan and is reminiscent of the traditional standard Rice-a-Roni available on market shelves. This home made version takes it from a side dish to meal on it's own.

 

 

 



 Ingredients:
1 7.02 ounce package vermicelli pasta
1 cup uncooked long grain rice
4 tablespoons butter
6 cups hot water
6 teaspoons chicken bouillon powder (or 6 cups chicken broth)
1 8 ounce block of cream cheese
1 cup cooked chicken cut into bite size pieces (mine came out of a can)
1 cup finely diced vegetables of your choice
1 tablespoon dried parsley leaves (optional)

Melt the butter in a large deep skillet over medium heat

We're going to brown the entire package in the butter

If you buy in bulk, it's just a little over a cup

Sprinkle the pasta over the butter and while it's browning

Open the cream cheese and let it sit out to softern

Remember to stir the pasta, as it should be browning nicely.

Now measure one cup of rice

And pour it in, mix it up,  and continue to brown

Now open the chicken and pour the broth into the measuring cup

Like this, we will use it.

And when it looks like this, you are ready to add the liquid

Pour in four cups of very hot water

It's really going to bubble and steam, reduce the heat to low

And add two more cups of water, for a total of six cups altogether.

If you are using a prepared broth, you will still need six cups.

 

Add however much bouillon you need to for whatever kind you are using

to make six cups, because that's how much water we added. I also like to

add one teaspoon for the pot.

Now add the chicken, I smash mine all up with my hands  as I add it

See, the can is about a cup, and when I use leftovers, I use a cup

Now add your veggies, I'm using some frozen veggies that I make up and

freeze myself. This batch has celery, onion, carrots, mushrooms, black olives

orange and yellow bell peppers, and some green onions. Use fresh, use what

you like and what you have on hand. I have made this with spinach only, with

broccoli only, I make it with whatever I have in my veggie crisper. Frozen mixed

veggies or a drained can of veg-all would work. You just need a cup of chopped

up veggies!

Pour them in

And just because I like it, I'm adding a tablespoon of parsley flakes, but

this is optional.

Now still it all up, put a lid on the pan, and simmer it until the rice

is done. But don't let all the liquid be absorbed, we need just a little

moisture left to make the creamy sauce.

Mine looked like this after 10 minutes.

While this is simmering, chunk up the cream cheese.

Let it simmer on down. If your rice is still crunchy, add another cup of broth,

but remember we need about this much moisture left.

Now dot those cream cheese chunks all over and spoon the hot rice over

the cheese.

Stir it lightly to make sure the cheese is all melted and stirred in.

Now turn off the burner, put the lid back on, and let it sit for 10 more minutes.

The heat will be enough to absorb the liquid and develop a creamy sauce.

After 10 minutes, remove the lid, stir some more and it's ready to serve.

I served mine on this occasion with some cheesy garlic bread. This has become

a staple in my household, happy to share.

 

Enjoy!

 

Chicken Broccoli Alfredo Stuffed Portabellas

CHICKEN BROCCOLI ALFREDO STUFFED PORTABELLAS

 

The last time I went shopping I picked up a pack of portabella mushrooms because stuffed portabellas is one of our favorite meals. Served with a salad it's a perfect dinner for the two of us.

 

Here's the portabellas

 

 And here's most of what went into my creation. As you can see, I'm currently a WalMart shopper so I'm going to use a jar of store brand sauce and a can of store brand chicken meat. And next I'm going to use up all the odds and ends of stuff I have on hand.

 





The first thing we're going to do is remove the stems from the portabellas and scrape out most of the gills with a spoon. Save the stems, we're going to use them in the filling.

 

 Next, I sprinkled each one with a little olive oil and some Romano cheese.

 I chopped up half an orange bell pepper, 3 cloves of garlic and a shallot.  You can use what ever kind of bell peppers you have on hand and any kind of onion.

 

Now I chopped up the mushroom stems along with a couple other mushrooms that really needed to be used up. It was about 1/2 cup all together.

 

I also had half a bag of frozen chopped broccoli, so I nuked it just long enough to thaw it out, and put it on a paper towel to drain along with the can of chicken. My fear is that with the alfredo sauce it's all going to run all over the place when I bake it!

Time to cook. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. We're going to sauté the peppers, onions and garlic in a little olive oil until they just start to sweat.

And then I stirred in the chopped mushrooms. I'm going to sauté these until the mushrooms release all their juices and then cook them til all the moisture is gone.

I'm still worried that with the sauce it's going to be too runny, and because I don't have any bread crumbs on hand, I'm going to use these almost stale crackers that I found in the cupboard.

I put them in a baggie and crushed them.

The mushrooms are done cooking, so I turned off the burner

Next, I really squished all the moisture out of the chicken and broccoli as I could

and then added it to the pan

Next I added the cheeses. I had this much parmesan

and this much mozzerella

and that didn't seem like very much so I added some romano too. Probably about 3/4 cup altogether

Then in went the crackers (save a couple pinches for the topping) and the alfredo sauce, (again, save a couple tablespoons for the topping)

And then I mixed it all together

And then I pilled it into the portabellas

I topped each one with about a tablespoon of reserved sauce and sprinkled them with the reserved cracker crumbs and a little more romano. And into the oven they go for 12-15 minutes.

 

 And while they baked I used up half a bag of leftover salad mix and my last big tomato to make a salad. Then decided to spread the salad out on a plate to make a bed for the mushrooms to sit on.

And when the time was up, they looked like this

And I placed them on the salad beds and served them up.

 

Enjoy!